EgypToz: July 2006

Monday, July 31, 2006


Dear Mr. Shab, dear Mrs. Shab , dear family , dear everyone

11:09 pm
I am sitting in a dark and very loud internet café with teens playing video games…people talking with mics…others hearing music…trying to write as fast as I can ...cause every hour is very expensive here…

Mr.Shab…I did not like the way you talked to me on the phone…if you can not give me an advice... or help me …I think it is better for you and me to save the money and not talk…because I got depressed after the call…I did not want to do anything do not want to hear me complaining…you just want to hear positive things…well ok…do you want to know that my hair is falling dramatically…100-150
hairs/day…cool…isn’t it…I am absolutely happy cause now I do not have to go to the barbershop…do you want to know that my face is suddenly full of acne…cool…isn’t it…cause now I am attracting more girls…do you want to know that I have constipation…cool…isn’t it…cause now I do not have to fear diarrhea…and tell Mrs. Shab that she does not have to call me behind your back…saying “ are you ok baby “…or “ is everything ok baby “ or “ do you feel ok baby “…and then “ why are you hurting us wallad “…” why are you doing that to us wallad “…” I do not know what you are doing wallad “…

Mr. and Mrs. Shab...just call to know if I am still alive

your son

Now I am talking to myself…

I was very busy last week searching for a new place to stay in …and I found a very nice room in an apartment…and the owner agreed to give it to me but after 2 hours he called me and said that he gave it to another one…I do not know why he did that …or do I know…
The man repaired the bicycle…but every time my trousers and socks get dirty…
Everyday I sit in my room after a hard day of working …eating Nutella and drinking orange juice…watching CNN and BBC…seeing what is happening in the world…enjoying watching people killing each other…waiting for the end of days to come…and wake up to find the TV still open…then go to work…and so on…
But…and here comes the big fat BUT…this week is going to be totally different… you know why wallad…because I do not care anymore…I do not know what I am doing in life…I do not have a specific target…I do not have a near reachable goal…plus the future is not so promising…hey man…I am not a pessimistic person…on the other hand…I am a dreamer…and dreamers do not belong to this planet earth…I want to live on the clouds…

Breaking News: the owner of the room has sent me a message telling me that she is going to take legal actions against me ...she will sue me because I want to leave the room in spite of signing the contract...let's get ready for X T C

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Escape from Egypt

Dear mother,dear father,dear family,dear everyone

You all know what I have done to leave Egypt
I never believed in bad luck but that could be the headline of my first week.
I do not want to live on planet earth anymore.

1 The room is very hot ( like a sauna ) and the temperature outside is already 39
Michael told me it could be the effect of the heater of the whole building ,which is located downstairs.
2 The room is on ground zero ,which means anyone can see what is happening inside,they can see me while changing my clothes,they can see me eating and they can see me while I am sleeping
3 All the day the sun is shinig directly in my room which rises the temperature of the room to 45 , so I am sweating all the day .I tried to solve this problem by living with only my boxers on ,but all night I have to wake up evey hour to wash my face and body.
4 One of the biggest problems is this metallic thing they have put outside the window to prevent anyone entering the room,as a security safety,and it is like the door of a garage ,there are some small holes to let some air come inside the room,but all day and night the wind makes this metallic thing move which makes a very loud annoying noise .I can not stand that anymore.Even when I tried to close it completly , I could not breathe ,the room is very dark and it still makes that noise.
5 The fridge does not have a freezer ,and this is my major problem here ,because the only thing I eat here are fish fingers,ice cream and frozen vegetables,and I have to put these things in the freezer,Michael told me they never had that problem and that I have to buy my food everyday from the supermarket but even so I can not eat all the package of fish,ice cream or vegetables in one day , and you can not imagine how hot the weather is, I need to put my drinks in the freezer.
6 The bathroom does not have a lock,well it is not that big issue if someone enters the bathroom while I am taking a bath.
7 Although the room is very big but I feel it is very empty,very depressing and very dark.I do not enjoy a second in this room.
8 In all these coming events you have to put in your mind that the weather was horrible and hot like hell and that the sun was shining all the day long burning my skin and boiling my head.
As you know I wanted to buy a bicycle because the tram and buses are very expensive,to go anywhere I have to pay for every ride 2 euros ,which means approximately 15 pounds,and everyday I need to go from home to the place I work ,then to downtown,then back home,that means 45 pounds traffic a day,and on fridays I have to go from home to work,then to downtown,then to the mosque at the border of the city,then back to downtown,and then back home,that means 75 pounds traffic,so I went to search for a cheap bicycle,but all bicycles they sell are very expensive,100 euros ,80 euros,130 euros,and all the day I was searching in this hot weather with record temperature,until I have found someone in the end of downtown selling a bicycle with 50 euros,so I took it from him with 40 euros,then after 2 minutes there was no air in the back wheel,so I walked back to him,he fixed it and I drove heading home which is located 7 km from the shop.On my way back the back wheel was empty again of air.I did not know what to do so I walked with the bicycle the 3 km left back home ,on my way I was searching for someone to repair it but all shops were already closed.The next day I went with it to someone to repair it but he wanted 25 euros,I asked him if he wants to buy my bicycle but he said no.These 2 days I had to use the tram to go to work,and I went to the man who sold me the bicycle and he did not want to give me the 40 euros back till he sees the broken bicycle himself.I then have met a friend of mine which told me that her friend does have an old bicycle which she does not want anymore,so I went with her to her friend,I took the bicycle which was somehow broken,but she told me it is ok ,you just have to drive slowly and nothing will happen,so I thanked them and I drove my way home when the bicycle did not want to work anymore,it was already night and I tried to fix it,but I could not,so I walked with the bicycle 4 km home.On the next day which was friday I tried to fix the bicycle before going to work,and I somehow succeded,but on my way it got broken,so I left it,went to work,and took it after work to someone to fix it,he told me he wants 30 euros,I left it in downtown,took the tram to the mosque,then back to downtown,then to home,took the old bicycle,then took the tram back to downtown,then walked with the bicycle to the man,had with him a little fight,then took the 40 euros back and with the other bicycle to the other man to fix it.He said ok and that I can take it at the end of next week.At that point I collapsed and told him my whole story,I begged him to fix my bicycle but he was cold as stone and did not want to help me.One of the workers saw my tears falling from my eyes like rain so he gave me another bicycle and said I can use it until they finish repairing my bicycle.
9 I have broken my eyeglasses
10 One of my shoes is broken
11 To wash my clothes one time I have to pay 2.5 euros so I decided to wash my clothes by myself
12 All of my friends have their final exams now and no one is free for me
13 Michael will leave after 3 weeks so I will have to live alone which I do not like
14 I can not concentrate in my work at all
15 I do not know what to eat so I am eating Nutella all the day,and I have lost 5 kilos in one week
16 I take a shower sometimes more than 3 times a day
17 Michael is a very nice person who understands all the things I suffer and is trying to help me as far as he can
18 Thank you Michael for the welcome party…your friends are very nice

your son

This was the letter I have written to my family...boing boing boring
by the way...what is the best way to end my life

the welcome party

Saturday, July 15, 2006


This was my first post in this blogspot I did not publish

I am sitting alone in this old apartment, with cracked walls, the light of an old lamp, the smell of ashes and the coldness of winter thinking what to do with my paradoxical life.
I am almost dead in this only life I have. I wish to live it from the start again.I have forgotten the way of laugh. I have been a companion of tears. I have been a slave of my community. I have been a project for my family. I have chosen all the difficult choices in life. I am begging for love. I have not found my other side. I want to take a rest from living. I hope to rejoin the pureness of my spirit. I want to prepare myself for sudden death. I am not living the real reality. I understand the truth of life.I am an alien in this room.

Friday, July 14, 2006

B for B**N

Blog is a big conspiracy.
A cyber world you can cherish with the illusion of doing important and precious things, an empty space you can fill it with your thoughts, a hidden monopolistic communication for your own satisfaction, a misconception of self resurrection and an explosion of necessary and unnecessary opinions.
For me blogging started as an intrapersonal rather than an interpersonal dialogue-why I do not feel comfortable with my situation in life, to organize my mishmash ideas and conclusions, to heal my pessimistic vision and to entertain myself with the adventurous process of blogging.
I discovered that I could have been a totally different person if I were not living in this place and time.
Am I going to be the one I wished and intended to be if I really succeeded in changing myself in the same unchangeable time and place?
Anyway blogging is a misleading sign of improvement, a waste of time and a slow down in real self development.


Thursday, July 13, 2006

نهاية البداية

فى الفترة الأخيرة حدث تغير ملحوظ فى الحاله العامة لدى المصريين، و تعد هذه الرغبة الملحه فى التغيير و اصلاح مصر من الاعراض الايجايبه فى مرحله الانتقال التدريجى من القاع إلى القمة ، و حين تكون معظم فئات الشعب مجتمعه على ضرورة الخروج من هذا الظلام المزمن إلى نورالأمل بأسرع وقت ممكن ، فمصر بحاجه إلى محو كل ما هو خبيث و معدى حتى ينبت الزرع المفيد فى تربه ناقيه و بيئه صحيه ، و لابد أن يكون التعليم التنويرى جزء اساسى لتطبيق الاحلام الواقعية ، و تشعب دورة الحياه المصرية بالحريه الحقيقية و الاستقرارالصحيح هو العامل المؤثر فى جميع حركات التنمية الجادة و النهضه الملموسه فى الحاضر ، وعلى الشعب أن يكون قادرا على التأقلم مع كل ما هو جديد و غير متوقع ، كما على كل فرد أن ينسى تراكمات الماضى و يفتح قلبه إلى اقصى درجات التسامح و تقبل الآخر، فلا ننتظر الخير أن يأتى الينا ، فليجعل كل واحد منا نفسه منبع للخير والحب فى هذه الرقعه من العالم المحتضر

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

نصائح بابى و مامى - الحلقة الأخيرة

قبل الكبر
يا ابنتى – ماتضيعيش وقتك معاهم
يا بنى – اكتب وصيتك

قبل الاربعين
يا ابنتى – كونى افضل صديقه لعائلتك
بنى- اللى فاضل اقل من اللى فات

قبل العجز
يا ابنتى – اجعلى لنفسك اهمية للحياة
يا بنى – فرفش نفسك صح

قبل التخريف
يا ابنتى – بيت المسنين ارحم
يا بنى – بص لورا و ماتبصش لقدام

قبل التهميش
يا ابنتى- احتفظى بكرامتك
يا بنى – انت طفل

قبل الوفاه
يا ابنتى- خلصى كل ارتباطاتك
يا بنى – استعد

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

الشغالة بت الشغالة

البت الشغاله دى اللى بتشتغل عندى عفروته و مفعوصه و بتنرفزنى كيك...اجى يمين تيجيلى شمال... اقولها تنضف فوق...تنضفلى تحت...حاجه تقرف...و اليومين دول صعب الواحد يلاقى شغاله كويسه...بصراحه انا مابحبش الشغالين الصغيرين دول علشان بيدلعوا طول النهار...يا بيه عاوزه اكل...يا بيه عاوزه اشرب...يا بيه عاوزه استريح...ماتستريحى ياختى هوه حد حايشيك...ما اصل الشغالين بتوع اليومين دول بقوا عندهم بوق بيتكلم...و عندهم رأى و وجهة نظر برضه لازم تحترم...بس يا بت انتى روحى اجرى بعيد داهيه تخدك...و كل شويه اهددها و اقولها حصورك...لو نرفزتينى حصورك...طب ما انا مصورك...اضحكى...اضحكى بقه...ايه الضحكه دى...مين البعبع اللى طالع فى الصوره ده...يا مامى ...ده انتى تخوفى بجد...لأ حرام...متعيطيش...خلاص بقه... بهزر معاكى...هوه احنا حنقعد نرغى و لا ايه... ياله يا بت انجرى روحى شوفى شغلك


Monday, July 10, 2006

Bla Bla Bla

This country has everything to be rich…like…like…mmm…well…tourism…yeah…tourism…we gain a lot of money from tourism…and….mmm…fff…well…what else…what else…mmm…fff…yeah…Suez Canal…yup…we gain a lot of money from Suez Canal…and…mmm…fff…what else…what else…mmm…fff…well that is it…what …no way…really…nah…it's a joke…so where is all that money…well…mmm…fff…first of all we do not steal anything...we use it to make people live in a better condition…we bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla…bas


Sunday, July 09, 2006

خياره فى ايدك... و خياره فى؛؛؛؛

ماذا تفعل لو كنت طفل مش شوارع؟

حاكلمك زى ما همه يخرب بيتهم علمونى اتكلم...علشان انت شكلك محترم و ابن ناس... وعلشان الناس بتوع البلوجينج مايلقطوش كلمه كده و لا كده
حرمت ابقى طفل مش شوارع... مش عاوز ابقى طفل مش شوارع ابدا...مش عاوز ابقى طفل مش شوارع...مش عاوز ابقى طفل مش شوارع...دى كانت تجربة مريره و عدت...كويس انى رجعت تانى مانى كرومب زبادى لصحابى و صحباتى...فين الصياعه بتاعه زمان...فين الكوله الموله ال&^...حاجى و اقولك تانى انهم قالولى انى ماقولش كلام مش ولا بد...ليه...هوه انقطع لسانى و انا مش واخد بالى... طب تاك#$))$%^*%)(...باااه...اصل الشتيمه معموله ليه...علشان نشتم بيها والا ايه...لسه حاخد شويه وقت لغايه مرجع لأصلى و فصلى تانى...(%$&÷
العيال بيقولولى ان فيه حاجه غلط...انا و صحابى الوقتى ماسكين المنطقه من اول السيده زينب لغايه امبابه و بولاق الدكرور...و داخلين الوقتى على الكيت كات...لما بنشوف الولاد اللى ياعين امهم ممسوكين من ايديهم طالعين نازلين من العماره رايحين جايين المدرسه بيصعبوا علينا...حرام...ماعندهمش حريه و لا اختيار... احنا بننام فى المكان اللى عاجبنا و بناكل من الاكل اللى عاجبنا و بنلعب زى ما احنا عاوزين و ماعندناش التزامات و لا واجبات نعملها... حياتنا فرى ميكس كوكا كولا...نستحمى ايه بس و قرف ايه ده بس...احنا عاوزين البلطجه بتاعه بلدنا... عاوزين نحشش بقه... عاوزين نسرق بقه... عاوزين نعاكس الموزز اللى بيتسكعوا فى الشوارع......فين مصر بتاعتنا يا جماعه
آه...و عاوز اوصل رساله منى انا و صحابى... و صحباتى كمان... لكل الجدعان و مش جدعان اللى بره و اللى جوه
سيبونا فى حالنا

...لحسن لما القرد بيزعل... بيزعل اقوى اقوى


Saturday, July 08, 2006

Islam:what the west needs to know

In the last 5 years many documentary films have been made to play an important influential role in emphasizing specific problems or controversial subjects, like “Fahrenheit 9/11” and “An Inconvenient Truth”.
Moslems all over the world have tried many times to change the image of Islam but failed in many aspects as people still have this black spot named terrorism in their minds.
Now it is time to speak out loud and show the others the truth about this often misunderstood religion…lol…a new film called “Islam: What the West Needs to Know” has been released worldwide yesterday in this critical condition we are living in, aiming to clarify many unknown facts of Islam, hoping to find open minded and tolerant viewers that may indirectly affect their relations with Arabs and Moslems in particular …and who knows…it may also have a tremendous impact on the future decisions taken by politicians…well…grrrr…this film underlines the fact, that Islam is an anti-peace , anti-tolerant and anti-non believers...and that Islamic jihad theology plays the major part in all the terror we are facing nowadays...this film is a gift dedicated to all Moslems all over the world …thank you very much...khod bazaza we mat3ayatsh :-(


Friday, July 07, 2006

French bread

Yesterday I was searching for the fresh French bread in Metro Supermarket but could not find it … until this worker came and tried to help me…but there were no French bread left so he went inside to the bakery and waited till they made a hot French bread…he showed me the other bread they do...I was happy to see someone helpful like him…smiling all the time…polite and active…he put the bread in a nice bag and gave it to me saying:” here it is…I wish you a nice day “…I could not believe it…cause I am not an old costumer who may give tips or something…I am just a young boy and he is treating me like that…wow…not like all these sellers who show up with their angry depressed faces…behaving as if you were his enemy…I thought maybe the boss is watching him or a spy camera is recording every move he does…or maybe he is new in his work and wants to prove that he is fit for it…hey…why should we find an excuse…he is just a good Egyptian hard worker we rarely do find


Thursday, July 06, 2006

نصائح بابى و مامى - الحلقة الأولى

قبل الحب
يا بنى- كان فى حاجه اسمها حب
يا ابنتى – اتدلعى

قبل العمل
يا بنى – مش مهم تذاكر كتير
المهم تكسب شغلانه
يا ابنتى – انتى الحكومه فى البيت

قبل الجامعه
يا بنى- انت فاكر نفسك فين
يا ابنتى – دورى بسرعه حتلاقي

قبل المراهقه

يا بنى – استمتع

بالفرصه الاخيره

مع الاصدقاء

يا ابنتى – خدى بالك من جسمك

قبل البلوغ

يا بنى – ليه تلعب قليل
مادام تقدر تلعب كتير

يا ابنتى – بلاش تعملى لنفسك فلسفه

قبل المدرسه
يا بنى- ماتسمعش كلام حد
يا ابنتى – كل ما تتكلمى اكتر
كل ما تشبعى اكتر

قبل الولاده
يا بنى - ابقى اعرف مين ابوك وامك
يا ابنتى – متنزليش غير وانتى مقتنعه تماما بالمكان و الزمان

قبل التلقيح

يا بنى – خش عليه
يا ابنتى – مش من مصلحتك