الليله

النهارده كانت ليلة القدر... لأ امبارح ... لأ بعد بكره... لأ دى كانت اول امبارح... لأ دى اول اول امبارح علشان السعوديه صاموا يوم قبلينا...هوه ده النظام كل سنه فى العشر الاواخر من رمضان ... الجامع اللى جنب بيتى هاو مافيهوش غير تلاته علشان الناس كلها بتروح للمساجد الكبيره المشهوره ... أو بيصلوا ورا شيخ صوته حلو و جبار فبيحسوا بخشوع مختلف ... أو علشان المسجد ده بيختم القرآن فى ليله سبعه و عشرين و الجامع ده فى ليله تسعه و عشرين... أو علشان بيقابلوا اصحابهم هناك... أو علشان الخطبه اللى فى النص بتأثر فيهم أوى ... أو علشان الامام هناك بيدعى دعاء حلو أوى... أو علشان لما بيصلى بيبكى فبيعيطوا وراه يعنى انا بصلى فى جامع معين كل يوم و المسجد بيبقى مليان عادى لغايه فى يوم فجأه بعد صلاه العشاء الراجل راح اعلن انه بيتشرف بحضور الشيخ جبريل فى المسجد و امامه الصلاه فى هذه الليله و لقيت حصل هرج و مرج و الجامع بسرعه اتملى و الماستجات اشتغلت و كله بيجرى وعاوز يلاقى مكان... و بعدين ماعرفش المسجد بيتملى فولل كومبليت ليه ليله سبعه وعشرين بالذات ... هيه الناس مش عارفه ان ليله القدر فى العشره الاواخر... طب خلاص يصلوا و يدعوا كل يوم من العشره الاواخر و واحده فيهم حتكون إن شاء الله ليله القدر... بسيطه يعنى ... ليه نشغل بالنا بهيه انهى واحده فيهم ... و مين كان فى السعوديه و شاف العلامات هناك ... و مين و هوه بيصلى حس بنور ادامه... و امتى حصلت معجزه لحد فتبقى هيه دى ليله القدر... يعنى ناس لخصت عبادتها لربنا فى صلاه الفروض طول السنه... و ناس اكتر لخصتها فى التقرب إلى الله فى رمضان... و ناس اكتر و اكتر فى العشره الاواخر بس... يجوا ناس و يدوروا على ليله القدر

يا رب توعدنا بليله القدر

Lulu

The furor over the comment made by Cohanians’ Prime Minister about Lulu being a dog continues to grow, unleashing a torrent of rage that many fear could burst into violent protests all over the world.

In Frondland some 200 demonstrators stood outside the Lulonic Temple shouting: Die Tozy, die Tozy, die dog.
Today the Prime Minister received many threads from extremist that he will be beheaded soon.
Last night Cohanian officials were scrambling to defend the comments, saying they had never intended to offend Lulonics.

Lulu is one of the most powerful gods of Lulism, a religion with over 10 million believers living in the south west of Evia.

The International Lulonics foundation reacted angrily to the comments: This way of insulting the meditative peaceful religion Lulism by naming his dog Lulu will have negative consequences on him and the relation between us and the Cohanians.
A Lulonic said: We do not accept the apology through Cohanian channels we ask the Cohanian Prime Minister himself to offer a personal apology and to order all Cohanians to change their dogs’ names.

This crisis started during a speech, when the Cohanian Prime Minister Makaba Tozy said that he likes to punish his dog Lulu by throwing him in his swimming pool.

In the press conference he emphasized: If everybody went around causing a ruckus every time something they didn't agree with was said, the world would be in chaos.

The Company

I took a long shower…I tried to get rid of all the tiny particles of dirt adhering to my skin…I shaved my beard although I do not like shaving… I wore my favorite jacket and tie…I put my extra hold gel on my hair and sprayed my expensive perfume all over my body... I looked in the mirror to check the way I smile… it has to be natural.

I went to the company…I thought I am going to be the first one there…but I found all my other colleagues in their top form standing in front of the company…waiting for the security guard to open the door.
They smiled to me…some gave me a very warm hug…and I smiled back.
Everyone was too polite to me and let me be the first one to enter.
While we were walking on the red carpet we could see beautiful flowers decorating the whole corridor…the place was very quiet.

A man I have never seen before came to my office and gave me a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of hot cappuccino. He smiled to me…I smiled back.
I started to write the report as fast as I can; he will come at any moment.
At 9:24 he was standing in the room.
Everyone looked to him and smiled…then they returned to their hard work.
Everyone was enthusiastically typing the reports to show how active they were.
When he was going out of the room some jumped from their places crying and begging him to stay. He told them he will come back.

When he closed the door some tore up the papers with the reports and others began to talk too loudly and confidently. A woman came to my desk with an unfriendly face…took the chocolate cake and ate it all. I looked for the cup of cappuccino but didn’t find it. A colleague was drinking it at the desk beside me. A man shouted to me: Light my cigarette immediately. I could not stand this anymore and ran out of the office. When I opened the door of the office I found some people putting the flowers in boxes and others rolling back the red carpet. Everyone was doing anything else but not working.
I wanted to go out of the building but the security guard stopped me violently. He whispered: If you want to go out today you have to give me all the money in your pocket. I punched the guard hard in his stomach and ran out searching for Mr. Ramadan to come back and rescue the company.

The End of the World

When I was young I thought I will live till the year 1996.
These thoughts started 1992 in a classroom with intelligent pupils and a talented storyteller…the religion teacher describing the horrific and shocking scenes of the final years of earth.
I believed in every word he said and the pictures of this day that I have imagined never came out of my mind.
I thought at that time that I will face that day…that I will experience every event of it.
The year 1996 came and I did not die…and I was happy… almost.
I tried to forget the possibility of facing my death through Armageddon…I even told myself that if it is going to happen in this century …it will happen after I die.
Surprisingly I am asking myself this question today: Am I going to see the end of days…is this the beginning of the final part of human history? The nature and human violence are playing the apocalyptical symphony of life…there is destruction all around the world…and people are racing to put their signature on the contract of “The End “.
First there is Palestine, and then Iraq, Lebanon, Syria …then Iran, America, Russia…then Korea, Japan, China and finally all will collide…or should we call it the war between the New Moslems and the 3rd generation of powerful Jews…which will be opened with a ceremony by Iran …or maybe the US will take the first step…
They taught me that there are small signs and big signs of the end of the world…and that all small signs do exist…almost.
I went to school…I studied hard…I tried to get the best marks…I wanted to go to the best university…I joined the best faculty…I studied for many years to graduate and to start my new job…I wanted to have a beautiful wife and beautiful children …I wanted to taste the ecstasy of sex…I wanted to have a house with a garden full of red and white roses…I wanted to do the Hajj and see my grandchildren grow…all what I have done were for nothing…should I begin to enjoy my life as much as I can…but it seems that it will never happen…planet earth will never see a peaceful day anymore. The leaders know that this may lead to the World War III … but they do not care…they are like children…each kid is saying that the other kid took the toy from him…that the other kid touched him or spoke to him in a bad way...
After the Friday prayer I told Fufo El Masry: I think that the end of days may take 100 or 500 years to come…or maybe more.
He told me: this is just the beginning…each event will happen so fast…one after the other …that you will think it is just happening in one single day…yalla 2el7a2 etgawez.
For me this was not a funny joke…and after I left him on my way home with the bicycle…a car came and just hit me but I jumped from the bicycle and fell on the street…I do not remember what happened...I was injured …bruises in my arms and legs…people helped me to go home.
At that moment I remembered my last do3a2 in the prayer when I asked god for forgiveness and that I wish to go to heaven…I have made a lot of mistakes and very bad things in my life…this could have been my last words…this could have been my last day of life…this could have been the end of my world

Coitus Interruptus

هوه الحل
هو انتم حتألفوا على مزاجكم
ايوه... البلد حتتصلح لو مشناها بالشريعة...العدل و المساواه... خد عندك ... لو الاستاذ عمرو قدم نفسه مثلا ... معظم الناس حتختاره... عارف ليه ... لأنهم عاوزين الخير للبلد

انتم متهيألكم بس... ده عمره ما حيحصل... و على فكره ده كله مش فى صالحكم

قوللى حتعملوا ايه فى المسيحيين ، طب واحد خرج عن الدين... حتموتوه ؟ ... واحد سرق... حتقطعوا ايده؟... واحده ماشيه كت أو مينى جيب فى الشارع حت

استغفر الله...اهى كل المعاصى بسببكم... يعنى انتم شايفين الحال الوقتى احسن... سايبين اللى يسرق يسرق و اللى يقتل يقتل و اللى يزنى يزنى...مبسوطين بالظلم اللى موجود... مش خايفين من الله سبحانه و تعالى
مين قال كده... كل مجرم بيتعاقب
اهو كلام و خلاص... ده الفساد انتشر فى الارض... و محدش بياخد حقه... طب جربوا بس و شوفوا الوضع حيتصلح ازاى...احنا بنحترم كل الاتجاهات
حتى الفن...هوه انتم حتسيبوا فى الفن والا فى اى حاجه حاجه

هوه انتم فاكرين انكم لما تحبسونا حتعملوا حاجه...احنا بنقدم خدمات كتيره للشعب و بنساعده من كل النواحى... قوللى انتم بتعملوا ايه فى الشعب... الشعب هوه اللى عاوزنا... و حتشوفوا ازاى الدنيا حتتصلح بعد كده

modified 8x

آمين

يا رب بابا يجيبلى بلاى ستاشن

يا رب مراتى تتعلم الطبيخ

يا رب سلوى توافق بقه

يا رب الراجل يرقينى

يا رب الزمالك ياخد الدورى

يا رب شعرى ميقعش اكتر من كده

يا رب ماسقطش السنادى

يا رب الاحوال فى مصر تتصلح

.

يا رب تغفر لى كل ذنوبى

يا رب تحفظنى من كل سوء

يا رب تحبب خلقك فيه

يا رب تبعد عنى المرض

يا رب تطول فى عمرى لكى اعبدك كثيرا

يا رب تطول فى عمر والدى و والدتى

يا رب تجعلنى بارا بوالدى و والدتى

يا رب توعدنى بالزوجه الصالحه الباره الجميله

يا رب توعدنى بالاولاد الصالحين البارين

يا رب ترزقنى رزقا كريما

يا رب توعدنى بالحج و العمره

يا رب تبعد عنى عذاب القبر

يا رب تبعد عنى عذاب النار

يا رب تدخلى الجنه بغير حساب أو عذاب

يا رب تدخلنى الفردوس الأعلى من الجنه مع الرسول صلى الله عليه و سلم

Close your eyes

I was in the centre yesterday waiting for the private teacher to come...he is always late…students were going in and out …talking…laughing…shouting…but these two young men were so concentrated in their prayers-not affected by the noise and movements of the students -as if they were in another time and place...in another peaceful and calm world...when they came back from their soul journey they continued their work in the centre

52

لو لم اكن يهوديا ، لوددت ان اكون ملحدا

The Lord of Beggars

He is a human being...but not an angel
he is always under pressure...under a binocular
he is successful...intelligent...charismatic...and religious
why are they against him...why now
he has the freedom to do what he wants
and we have the freedom to say what we want
we do not need to wait for them to apologize
we are not beggars
why are we so eager to improve our nice image to them
although it is not our real image
it is the image in our dreams