نظرية عمك محمد

الدنيا بقت زحمه جدا فى الفتره الاخيرة بطريقه تخنق...بقالها شهر أو شهرين بالحال ده... حتقول علشان الوقتى فى امتحانات نص السنه... لا يا حبيبى... من قبل الامتحانات و احنا على الحال ده ...الواحد علشان يضرب مشوار النهارده لازم ينزل قبليها من امبارح بالليل...بقيت مش عاوز اروح الكليه و لا اشوف اللى فيها...من الغولب اللى باشوفه فى المواصلات...ده انا باحس انى بانزل علشان اقضى اليوم كله فى المواصلات... انا نص حياتى باعيشها اولردى فى الشارع ... و الامتحان كان حايفوتنى بسبب المنيل على عينه المواصلات... قال الراجل بتاع التاكسى مركبنى و بعدين مركب واحده رايحه مكان تانى اساسا...و بعدين قولت للسواق انه مش حينفع يقوللى ما تيجى تسوق مكانى احسن ...و بعدين الست تقول له خش من الشارع ده ...يقوللها لا يا مدام ...انا ماشى طوالى ....حضرتك تنزلى و تتمشيها ...تقول له فى مخها يا سافل يا حقير و تديله جنيه مع بصه وحشه ... و انا طبعا مخى المفروض فى الامتحان اللى انا رايحه ... و بعدين الراجل قاللى بعد نص المشوار انه لازم يمون ... و نقف ورا طابور عربيات... كنت عاوز اش**له بس قولت بلاش ... و الامتحان حيبتدى خلاص...اتعلمت طبعا انى لازم انزل قبل ميعادى بيوم ...طب انا طالب فاشل رايح الكليه علشان ينام فى المحاضرات...امال الموظف و اللا العامل اللى رايح شغله ده...حينام برضه؟ و الله الناس فى مصر دول صعبانين عليه... ده انا بيجيلى شلل لما اشوف وقفه المواصلات و نفسى بتتسد انى اركب مواصله منهم...باروح اشترى حاجه اكلها و اقف اتفرج على الشارع الواقف...منظره جميل مش كده...الناس محشوره جوه علب و نفس كل واحد فيهم ان عربيته تطير... على فكره انا اكتشفت ان كل مصروفى بيضيع فى المواصلات... طب الدنيا طول عمرها زحمه...بس الوقتى بالذات بقت زحمه اوى...زحمه بزياده...اوفر ...زحمه اوس حداشر...زحمه موووت... ليه...قوللى ليه...اقوللك ليه...اصل الشوارع قلت...كشت يعنى...و العربيات خلفت عربيات صوغنتاتين...و بعدين الناس بتموت... بس العربيات بتعيش... تلاقى العربيه البيتلز الخنفسه ماشيه مطلعه لسانها للعربيه البى ام دبليو...كل سنه انواع جديده بتنضم لقافله العربيات المكسحه... و بعدين كل الناس بتنزل فى نفس الوقت...مش عارف ليه يا اخى...الناس هايجه و عاوزه تنزل الشارع...ما تسيبها يا اخى تنزل تنفس عن اللى جواهاانا بجد خايف على كوبرى اكتوبر ده لحسن يقع و يبقى كوبرى 67...و لغايه دالوقتى عمالين يمطوا فيه...لما بابا يبقى عنده عربيه و ماما كمان تبقى عندها عربيه و اخويه برضه عنده عربيه و اختى برضه عندها عربيه انا مايبقاش عندى عربيه ليه...قوللى ليه...اقوللك ليه...اصل يا بنى لو ركبت عربيه مش حاطلع منها... يا حخلف جواها... يا حيجيلى عقم... يا حدخل النار بعد ما شتمت كل رايح و كل جاى ماشى قدامى...اللى بقه حايكسر عليا و اللى يولع الفلاش فى عينى و اللى بيزمرلى ... انا اعصابى بتتعب بسرعه جدا و بتنرفز من اى حاجه حتا الدبانه اللى بتقف على قفايا...تخيل بقه واحد ينرفزنى فى المواصلات...حتتشتم حتتشتم...لا مفر يا بنى... و ايه مش شتايم يا وحش و يا كوخه و انتى انسانه مووش محترمه و كده ... لا...لا لا لا ... نو نو نو... الشتايم اللى بتطلع منى زى ضرب الاقلام.. بتلسع... و لازم يبقى قبليها يابن ال أو يابت ال...و شتايمى طوييييله خالص... طب اعمل ايه... خاللينى اخلل فى التو- كوس-آه والتوبس-آت و الميكروبعبصات اللى بركبه ده...كفايه بقه هزار و خللينا فى الموضوع...لازم نلاقى حل سريع مريع فى الزحمه دى...يعنى ممكن مثلا مثلا اننا نخللى يوم للارقام الزوجيه و يوم للارقام الفرديه بالنسبه لعربيات الملاكى... و طبعا احنا مصريين... و كل حاجه و ليها حل... يبقى الحل انى اشترى عربيه بارقام زوجيه و عربيه بارقام فرديه... او اجيب لوحه وشها يبقى بارقام فرديه و الوش التانى بارقام زوجيه...و لما الراجل يمسكنى بالارقام الفرديه فى يوم الارقام الزوجيه و يقول لى حات الرخصه... حاقول له طب ما تاخد عشره جنيه احسن...يقول و ماله...و ممكن مثلا مثلا نقسم الطرق قسمين...قسم للعربيات تتحشر فيه... و قسم للعجل... اللى عاوز يركب بسكلته يركب...و لما الناس المحشوره فى قسم العربيات تشوف الناس بتجرى فى قسم العجلات حتتغاظ...ماتتغاظ... و بعدها يحولوا من نظام الكار لنظام البيتيسيكلوم... بس فى مشكله واحده...اولا الستات حيسوقوا بسكلته ازاى...بالنسبه للستات المحجبات حيكون الامر شديد الصعوبه فمن احسنلها تقعد فى البيت او تتحشر فى قسم العربيات...اما الستات اللى مش محجبات فلازم ينسوا خالص موضوع الجيب و الفستان... و يركزوا شويه فى موضوع البنطالونات...طب لو بنت حلوه و سايقه العجله...طبعا حايجى الولد و يروح ضاربها كتف من بتوعه تقع من العجله فيعمل نفسه جينتل و يشيلها من على الارض...سيبك خالص من موضوع الستات دول...خاللينا فى الرجاله...طب الراجل حايسوق العجله ازاى لما لازم يشيل معاه الشنطه و الادوات و اكياس مليانه بمستلزمات البيت و الحاجات اللى فى بطنه كمان...اكيد اكيد حايقع...بصراحه المشروع ده فاشل...خش عاللى بعده...المجلس الاعلى لحقوق المواصلات حيقرر ان ممنوع اى عيله تكون عندها اكتر من عربيه واحده فقط...حل جميل...بس لما الراجل يتجوز اتنين...حايبقى عنده عيلتين...و علشان كده طبعا عربيتين...و لما يبقى عنده ولدين...و اللتنين متجوزين...حيبقوا عندهم برضه عيلتين...و كل واحد عربيه...حل موش بطال...انا جاتلى فكره تحفه...حل بثيت بثيت جدا...نغلى سعر البنزين...نخللى اللتر بخمسه جنيه...و كده نقطع العرق و نسيح دمه...اصل المشاكل فى مصر ما تتحلش غير بقرار عنيف و حازم... برضه مش عاجبكم الحل ده...طب خد ده بقه...حنقضى على آفه التاكسى و الميكروباص و الاتوبيسات العامه و نشيلهم من الخريطه خالص...و المواطن اللى عاوز يروح حته يروحها بعربيته... و لو معهوش يخللى صاحبه يوصلله...و لو معندهوش صاحب يروحها بالمترو...و لو ماينفعش... يروحها مشى...و لو مش قادر يمشى يخليه فى البيت احسن...هوه ده النظام و اللى مش عاجبه مش حاقول له يدور على اعلى جمل و اللا حصان واللا بهيمه يركبه...لا...لا لا لا ...نو نو نو...حاقول له اتلهى... فكت...كفايه بقه تريأه و خللينا فى صلب الموضوع...الحل هوه اللامركزيه...يا عم غور فى ستين داهيه...الحل هوه انه مافيش حل...قوللى ليه...اقوللك ليه...أو احسن اقوللك نظريه عمك محمد و خلاص...عمك محمد سواق تاكسى...من كتر ما بركب تكاسى تكسيات تكوسه فى اليوم بقابل ساعات نفس التاكسى كذا مره...ومنهم تاكسى عمك محمد و خلاص...لما ركبت معاه المره السادسه سألته عن رأيه فى سبب الزحمه الرهيبه اليومين دول قال لى إن فى مؤامره كبرى...أو بمعنى آخر خطه جهنميه...الزحمه دى مقصوده منهم...سألته من مين...قال لى منهم و خلاص... قولتله ماشى كمل...همه عاوزين الدنيا تبقى زحمه كده عالطول...و الشوارع تبقى مقفله باحكام...ليه...قوللى ليه...اقوللك ليه...علشان يا سيدى الناس تنهار فى الزحمه...و هيه رايحه الشغل...و هيه راجعه مالمشوار...عاوزين الناس تبقى منهكه عالاخر... و تقعد تتخانك عالاجره زى ما حاعمل معاك لما اوصلك...اصل المشوار اللى بخمسه جنيه فى الزحمه بيبقى عشره جنيه... و الميكروباص من رمسيس بدل ما كان بجنيه بقى بجنيه و عشره قرش...هوه العشره قرش دول حيعملوا حاجه الايام السوده دى...يا سلام لما الناس مايبقاش فيهم نفس يتنفسوا...عاوزين يتشغلوا بالمواصلات و يطلعوا طاقاتهم المكبوته و اللى لسه حاتتكبت فى الزحمه... ما يفكروش فى اى حاجه خالص غير فى قرف الزحمه...زى ما هوه ماكتوب فى قائمه عبده قلقاس لازم يتم...اوكاى...انت اسمك ايه بقه...اسمى عمك محمد و خلاص...ماشى يا عمك محمد و خلاص...اهو و خلاص اللى فى الاخر دى هيه اللى مواديانه فى داهيه...انا قررت خلاص...و ده قرارى الاخير خلاص...انى اسود الدنيا فى عيشيتكم اكتر... اخليها ضلمه مش كحلى... و ازود الطينه بله...ما هيه خربانه خربانه...و بإجماع الآراء... قررت بعد تفكير عميق... و مصالحه مع النفس...انهم يجيبولى عربيه

and so

…and in cyberspace, reading all your fascinating blogs, all your thoughts and dreams, all your ideas and memoirs, I have the feeling that I know all of you, from a long time ago, and I am not sure if it is real or not, I had the impression that the beautiful life I was searching for does exist, but inside everyone’s computer, we do share our stories together, we found a common ground for living, we all know what is wrong and what is right, but we do not live it , we do not live our real life, is it the power of a savage society, when I read the mails I receive from all of you, I feel relieved , because you see that there is still hope ,and that there are a lot of good people out there, but where are they in real life, in mails I discovered that there are people that understand what I feel , although they haven’t seen me in their lives, and maybe live thousand miles away , but they are me , they know what is inside me more than my family members do , they are the ideal community if brought together, so why don’t you show yourself to the public , why do we keep it inside ourselves , I traveled to many countries and I have never seen a community like us , we are perfect in listing the faults and disadvantages in our lives, a top-notch criticizer , in every aspect, all the day we talk about the little tiny problems we have , and we know the solutions , but we do not take a single step in solving our problems, or in changing our behavior , is this the sarcastic irony of this era ,so many wonderful people blogging in Egypt and suggesting extraordinary ideas to improve the nowadays condition , yet you don’t see them in your daily life , even if you make a gathering of all bloggers and enlightened people in this country , no one could show it the way he or she does in his or her blog, it is so easy to write I hate my boss but it is so difficult to say it face to face , why can’t we live the life we want in the real life, why are we stuck in this dream world and don’t realize our ambitious goals and hopes, are we afraid of each other, to show what is inside ourselves, not knowing if it is going to be accepted and respected from the other members of the society , is it laziness to be friendly to your fellow citizen and to believe that you have to be the start of this improvement, can we really do what we want to do or are we led by something we don’t know, do we need a short break of life to understand the reality of life , you know sometimes I wish I could start my life again , to write my story in a book of white empty pages , but I know I am living this life , in this century , in this land , with these people , and these circumstances , and nothing can bring me out of it but death, so…

الاستعباط الجماعى

صحيت النهارده الصبح و حلقت دقنى و استحميت و كويت هدومى و فطرت و نزلت وركبت السى تى اى و روحت الكليه و ملاقيتش حد ، فين الناس ، فين الطلبه ، فين الاساتذه ، فين الموظفين ، مافيش انس ، روحت علشان اشرب كابوتشينو لقيت الكافيتريا قفله ، ليه ، هوه النهارده فى ايه ، روحت وسط البلد علشان اشترى سماعات واكمان لقيت المحلات قفله ، هوه فى ايه يا جماعه النهارده ، هوه النهارده اجازه و انا ماعرفش ، لما ركبت التاكسى سألت السواق ، هوه النهارده فى ايه ، قاللى كل سنه و انت طيب ، النهارده خامس يوم العيد ، بجد ، ماكنتش اعرف ، طب ليه ماحدش قاللى ، طب بكره فى اجازه برضه ، آه ، اده ، ده رسمى ، يعنى كان عندى الجمعه الواقفه اجازه ، و السبت كان اول يوم العيد اجازه ، و الاحد و الاثنين و الثلاثاء اللى همه تانى و تالت و رابع يوم العيد اجازه ، الاربعاء المفروض فى شغل بقه ، انا عمرى ما سمعت عن خامس يوم العيد ، السواق قاللى : و لسه ما سمعتش عن سادس يوم العيد ، قولت له : اده ، هوه بقه فى سادس كمان ، آه ، يا سلام ، ما شاء الله ، لما رجعت البيت و قعدت مع نفسى افكر ، و امخمخ ، اكتشفت ان الناس ضحكت عليه ، خانتنى خيانه مش مشروعه ، ادتنى زمبه كبيره يعنى ، بقه كل الناس ، كل كل الناس اللى فى مصر ، كلهم كده قرروا مع بعض ، مع بعضهم فى الخباثه ، و من غير ما يقولولى ، انهم يخدوا من الجمعه اللى فاتت ايام العيد الاربعه و يزودوا عليهم اتنين من عندهم اللى همه الاربعاء و الخميس و معاهم بالمره الجمعه و السبت الجايين و الاحد عيد المسيحيين كمان اجازه ، لا ، ازاى ، ليه ، هيه الدنيا سبهلله ، هوه مافيش كبير فى البلد و لا ايه ، لا ، و من غير ما يقوللولى كمان ، لا ، كده من نفسهم ، طب كنتم تقولولى ، يا غدارين ، كلمت خالتى و سألتها عن اللى حصل ده ، قالتلى انها ما رحتش الشغل النهارده ، نعم يا خالتو ، انتى كمان يا خالتو ، مش مصدق يا خالتو ، صدمتينى صدمه العمر يا خالتو ، بقه انتى مع الشله فى السر ، و خبيتى عليه ، قالتلى ان دى حاجه بالعقل تتفهم ، ما حدش قال للتانى انه حايخدهم اجازه ، همه المصريين بيفكروا بالطريقه دى ، ده قرار جماعى نابع من القلب ، كان لازم تفهم ده من نفسك ، امال انا ايه ، انا مش مصرى و انا ماعرفش؟اوك ، ماشى ، ادى دقنى اهى حلقتها زى ما حلقتولى، ويلكام لظاهره الاستعباط الجماعى

A New Year's Eve in Cairo

It is 9:18 pm now and I do not know where to go…I want to celebrate the new year’s eve and I do not find a single person to go with me out…to do something…anything…where are the people…I do not know…is it just me or what…girls are sending me messages greeting me for Eid and new year …huh…and one of them sent me a message saying at the end…mabteb3tleesh missed leh…ok…I really don’t understand how Egyptian girls think…

Kingkong is with her best friends in Sharm for a house/trance party…she is a partyolic girl…I wished she was here to go out with her & Co…
I called Kiko but he had to study for exams after the Eid…and Miko is traveling with his family…and another one is studying now…and another one telling me that it is very cold outside and he feels the comfort in his house…in his bed…
what should I do now…I can not just stay at home and watch TV while eating popcorn…this could not be the day of my life…the day where I pass from a year to another…A.Y told me he will wait for his father to return home to tell him that he is going out…in other words to wait for his approval…then he will call me…mmm…I could not believe that…so I decided to go out and let’s see what will happen…
I told the taxi driver that I want to go to the Ahly club…we were on 6th October bridge when he ordered me to go out because he saw hundreds of cars waiting in lines…no time for arguing…I walked down the bridge to find a human explosion…thousands of people waiting in front of the Opera House to go to Mohamed Mounier’s concert…killing each other to buy a ticket from a small window…and policemen trying desperately to bring order to the place…someone told me he will not enter the concert because he wanted to see the fireworks…are they going to show us fireworks…great…but hey…couldn’t you see it from the concert…many teenagers got ticket from people who are already inside…a friend of them bought the ticket…35 pounds…then collected tickets from people inside and gave them to someone waiting outside through the fence…and this one give them to his friends to enter again with the same tickets…well…it is a good idea…why to buy a ticket when I can get it for free…this is not stealing…this is an Egyptian fahlawa…
I walked the Kasr El Nile bridge to see how the ordinary people enjoy this event by just sitting in front of the nile… I went then to Semiramis InterContinental Hotel to see if there is a party inside or something…it was 11:35 pm and A.Y did not call…in the elevator I was standing with people from the Egyptian high society…people I only see in television and magazines…and the glamour was shining form the party hall…and the music was excellent…when A.Y called it was 11:58pm…he told me he is waiting in front of Semiramis…the elevator did not want to come so I decided to take the emergency stairway…
Hey hey hey…stop here…what…I do not believe that…this was the last thing I could ever imagine…to spend the change from 2006 to 2007 in an empty room with no people and no voice or music...dim light and creepy atmosphere…what for an isolation…what for a loneliness…I had to take a picture of the place where I was when the clock showed 12:00…akhhhh…grrrr…bad bad bad…very bad…I will never forget this…this is a bad start…don’t be pessimistic guy…2007 is going to be a happy year…for you and for all of us…this is a good sign but you don’t understand it…
I went with A.Y to the Four Seasons Hotel…boring boring boring…a man was playing classical music and people were just eating…blah…he went to the bathroom…A.Y…don’t tell me you want to check your looks…not again…you are fine…you have to be more confident…I had a nice chat with the bathroom man…he told me he works in this bathroom for more than 8 hours a day…it was his dream to work in this hotel.…good for him…because I don’t mind to live in this bathroom….it is so elegant and beautiful…wow… A friend of A.Y called him to tell that there is a good party in a villa near Mansouria and another one in club35…should we go to Bliss…or Sangria… we decided not to go…it was late habibi…and very very very expensive…we went to the 27th floor to watch the fireworks….but there were no fireworks…mmm…what a city…hey…I want to live in a hotel…isn’t it nice to live in a hotel…to have this beautiful view of Cairo…
We went to Hard Rock Café…and guess…the ticket costs 350 pounds…no way…we just stood outside with the ordinary Egyptian youth watching sexy girls going in and out…
Then we sat in Grand Hayat hotel…we found out that everyone in Cairo was having the same problem…where to go in new year’s eve…nothing to do in this vivid city…we do not have money to go to expensive discos…people were just walking in the hotel’s lobby…and I had the feeling that everyone wanted to shout out loud: what a boring night…what a boring city…
I told A.Y : let’s go to Cairo Jazz Club…we went there...we could hear the good trance and house beats…we wanted to go in because the D.J was fabulous…the guard didn’t let us go in…he told us that this was a private party…ok man…thank you very much…good night…and good luck…

Finally we decided to go to my home…we ordered Pizza Hut which had no taste at all…although I told A.Y that it was great…because he was the one who ordered it…we ate pizza and ice cream and watched a DVD movie…American Beauty…and then his parents called him…so he had to go home…

He stood in front of my doorstep and said:brrr…it is soooo brrr cold outside…Happy new year…I hope you had a good time today

...we heard the fireworks boom…and I gave him a big smiley face

The Massacre

Happy first م.ج.د.ع anniversary…the Gameet El Dowal El Arabia massacre…the proof of death on this land…I think people have learnt that death anywhere else is merciful and less humiliating than here…we are selfish by nature…shame on you…we don’t like our neighbors…shame on you…we don’t want to be dirty than we already are…we like to watch and not act…we don’t like to admit that we have done something wrong...we know that we are eating donkey meat but we want to convince ourselves that we are eating shawerma…we say they are not human beings…they have a black skin and behave like animals…they had outdoor sex and we don’t want our children to see that…yak yak yakh…they slept and pissed on the beautiful flowers of our Gameet El Bool El Arabia Garden…what a pity…where are these flowers if we can not smell our awful sweat…we did not mean to kill them…we just wanted to eliminate them from this planet…because they do not deserve to live…why should they live if they don’t have a meaning in life…we don’t care if they die or even get eaten by the animals they are living with…because we are eating shawerma and not donkey meat…and nobody have told you that we are racists…hey guys…we are being killed everyday…why should we feel sorry for them if we already have a dead heart…they were the cowards who fled from the killing and tough life in Sudan…who wanted to find a peaceful place to live in…they wanted to be relocated to any other country than Sudan…they knew that if they stayed in Sudan they will be killed…but they did not know that they are going to be executed by us…that they are going to be dragged across the street…and that their women are going to be beaten…and that their newborn babies are going to be squeezed in that mess…in front of the international media…and in front of us…they deserve what have happened to them…they are all piece of shit…and had a mind of stone…they did not want to accept any other solutions…they wanted their wishes to be fullfilled…how selfish they are…they don’t only deserve to be killed…they deserve to be thrown in fire…shame on you…shame on us…shame on me…it is great that their hard death have been witnessed by us…because this is the proof that we have eaten donkey meat and not shawerma…the whole world is moving now to find an effective solution for the war in Darfur…and what are we doing…well…we are holding candles…you know they were refugees…but what you don’t know...I am a refugee too…so where should I go…

I put off all my grief

Is it country music, is it jazz, is it rock music or indie or even folk, I think it is all of it put in a new envelope and presented with so much passion and love…the multitalented Sufjan ( singer ,writer ,painter ,graphic designer, photographer and founder of his own language which is now spoken by only 2 other people ) used his style of music to tell his stories , history and facts…with so so simple melodies that can’t come out of your mind…it has the same effect of James Blunt but maybe more experimental and classical…I could not imagine a song like a theatrical play or a film with emotional interpretations of “John Wayne” with Sufjan Stevens crying or sighing…for me it is easy now to notice his songs by his banjo playing and whispering voice…from the mystic song “A Good Man Is Hard To Find” to the more happy one “Chicago” …from the first track “Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland” to the lovely “Windows Of Paradise” you will take a tour de Illinois in his most acclaimed album…I don’t know if he could make his dream come true…after Illinois and Michigan…to write an album for each of the 50 states of America…today we will sing “ O Come O Come Emmanuel” and “That was the Worst Christmas Ever”... no...well there is no snow in Cairo…Merry Christmas

أنا لابسه بدله رقص ... و فى بيت دعاره

لما الموظف يرجع اخر النهار همدان و مش طايق نفسه و يلاقى ام العيال جياله تقوله الواد محتاج ياخد درس خصوصى و البت عاوزه شنطه جديده بدل اللى اتقطعت و جبتلك موز و برتقان و موستافاندى و كمان كيلو كوسه علشان اعملهم محشى و ايدك بقه عالفلوس...حايجيلو منين بقه شهوه علشان ينام مع مراته... يا عينى همه الشويه اللى كانوا بعد شهر العسل و الشويه اللى جاب بيهم العيال... و خلاص على كده... بيتفرج على الافلام الاجنبيه فى التالافازيون و الافلام الثقافيه عالدش و يقول الناس دول بيعملوا الحاجات دى ازاى... و يفتكر يا عين امه انه مابيعرفش و محتاجله برشام والا علاج هرمونافسى... ما طول النهار دايخ فى البلد و جاله يييه ميت مره اكتئاب... الضغط يا بيه... الضغط و السكر هوه اللى مضيعنا... ما مالظروف الاقتصاديه و السياسيه اللى فى البلد... مش شايف البلد بقت عامله ازاى... يجيلى انا نفس منين بقه... الست تقول لك ده الراجل بييجى مالشغل عالسرير طوالى... مش عالشانى السيكو سيكو ... ده عالشان ينام... و كل يوم بالنظام ده...دى بقت عيشه تقرف... طب بص بس على كرشه و انت تعرف كل حاجه... تسأل الراجل فينك يا روميو... فين الرومانتيكا... يقوللك هوه انا حيلتى اللضه... طب فين بتوع ميلودى... ده لما بصحى من النوم على وش الست اللى جنبى بشعرها اللى عامل زى سلك المواعين و جسمها اللى بقه عامل زى جبال الهيمالايا بس من غير تضاريس بيجيلى خضه و اقول انتى مين... انتى مين... دانا مراتك يا معلم... مش عارف كنت شارب ايه لما اتجوزت البتاعه ده... يعنى استخدمه ازاى ده دالوقتى... يعنى اسفر العيال عند ام امهم علشان يخلالنا الجو... وا روح افسح ام العيال عالكرنيش و اكلها دره و جيلاتى...اجى اقوللها ياللا بينا بقه عالبيت ورانا شغل... تقوللك ورانا ايه...ورانا ايه... الجو ادام النيل هنا احسن يا محسن... و لما الوقت ياخدهم و يتأخروا و يرجعوا بسرعه عالبيت قبل ما تيته تجيب العيال... ياخدها تيك اواى تقول له ماينفعش السيستم ده معايه... انا محتاجه لسه... يقوللها محتاجه ايه يا وليه... ما خلاص... تقول له خلاص ايه يا محسن... دول ماكملوش دقيقه... زمان كنت خمسه... دالوقتى بقيت دقيقه... فينك يا محسن... ليه كده يا محسن... يقوم يقول لها هومه دول اللى عندى... عاجبيك و لا اطلقك... تقول له...لا... إلا الطلاق...تهون عليك العشره... تسمع ماما ماما... يقوللها يلا فزى قومى شوفى العيال... طب لو تو كابلز عايشين فى اوضه متر فى متر... و جابولهم عيال و مش عارفين يسرفوهم... يا ترى يعملوا ايه... انا باقترح يخدوا داى اوف سويت فى موفينبيك الهرم علشان ما فيش حد مالعيال يعرف هوه حصل ايه و لا فيه ايه... او يقولوا للعيال روحوا جيبوا شوكولاته من المحل اللى بعيد بعيد ده... بس الواد سيد مش عاوز يمشى مالبيت... يا واد امشى... بطل رخامه ياض... امشى بقه لاحسن اخللى ابوك يضربك... يقوم يعمل نفسه ماشى و يستخبى فى بير السلم... بعد شويه يسمع صوت امه بتصوت... يجرى جرى و يروح داخل الاوضه فجأه و يقول مالك يا امه

التطور الطبيعى للحاجه الساقعه

تعتبر اللغة العربية من أجمل لغات العالم ، و لكن فى الفتره الأخيره حدث تغير ملحوظ فى استخدام المرء لهذه اللغة الجميلة ، ليس فقط فى الكتابة و إنما ايضا فى الحياة الفكرية و الثقافية و السياسية ، و هذا التغير اثر بالطبع فى الشعر العربى ، و لن انسى سنوات المدرسة التى تعلمت فيها قواعد هذه اللغة و لاسيما النحو ، و لكن يبدو أن النحو ليس له موقع للاعراب فى يومنا هذا ، فالفتحه و الكسره و الضمه توفوا، بدون ان نحزن ، و الشده هى الاخرى ، و كما يلاحظ تغير فى استخدام اللغة العربية من اجل التواصل و التحاور، يلاحظ ايضا استخدام مفردات جديده فى زمن العولمه ، نوت اونلى فى مصر ، و لكن فى بلاد عربية آخرى ، و عندما بدأت فى الكتابة فى هذا البلوج ، كنت أفكر أن اكتب فيها باللغة العربية الفصحى ، بوت وجدت انها سوف تكون تقيله شويه عالقلب و بيئه ، و بعدين كده ولا كده الكلام اللى بقه الشباب بيقولوه لبعض بقه كلام مش مفهوم خالص وانا مدام واد شاب منهم... خلاص بقه كبر ، و الموضه الجديده إن الشباب الكوول دول عملوا لنفسهم انسيكولوبيديا الكلام الروش طحن ، فشخوا اللغه بتاعتهم ، بس لازم ناخد بالنا يا جماعه إن التطور اللى حصل ده خطير مووت على اللغه الاساسيه بتاعتنا ، قصدى اللى كانت بتاعتنا ، آه قصدى بالالف مش بالقاف ، و لو فضلنا كل شويه نغير فى الكلامص اللى اينا بينيستاخدامه ، هانليكا اينا احينا موشى فخمونى بعض بنا كوكو كيك ، فتت ستا حاحه ، اكد اكد شش فهمومى حاحه ، احيك بجد احيك ، فيك يابنو امك مالها ، فشخ

An Egyptian Film

Dawlat woke up at 8:00…Dawlat has to be in the college at 8:15…there is no time to make breakfast…Dawlat gave her son money to buy biscuits when he is in school…in the elevator Dawlat met her neighbor but they didn’t exchange words…in her Fiat 128 car Dawlat ate chips and threw the bag from the window…the chips bag fell in the middle of the street…the street cleaner moved the chips bag with the broom to the traffic lamp…her son bought a kidney sandwich…the street cleaner stood under the traffic lamp waiting for tips…the black Mercedes car stopped...her son did not go to school…someone threw 10 pounds from an almost closed black window…Dawlat came late to the lesson after spending half an hour searching for a parking place…her husband woke up at 10:00… her son then finished the cigarette and threw it…the street cleaner picked up the 10 pounds from the ground…Dawlat wrote a question on the board and asked her students to answer it…as usual her husband is alone in the house…her son was playing football with his friends in the street…her husband was full of sweat after being squeezed for an hour in the public bus…the question is : how can we prevent pollution in Cairo?…the hotel manager told her husband to prepare the food quickly for the foreigners…her son saw the black Mercedes car…Dawlat went to the college cafeteria to drink coffee and read the newspapers…her husband had no time to wash the salad and brought the food to the foreigners…her son played with the Mercedes sign and broke it… Dawlat collected the written answers from the students…Dawlat was not in good mood to give a lesson today...she smiled to the husband…the husband smiled back…her son scratched the black Mercedes car with the key…the owner of the black Mercedes saw her son…her son ran from him…the owner of the black Mercedes saw her son lying in the middle of the street crying…after the work the husband went with her to their room in the hotel…on her way home Dawlat gave the street cleaner the written answers…people searched for the car that hit him…the neighbor saw people carrying her son to the hospital…people asked the neighbor if he could call Dawlat…the neighbor did not know the number…the street cleaner was angry because Dawlat did not give him money…Dawlat did not find her son in the house… Dawlat did not find her neighbor…Dawlat went to the school but it was closed…her husband did not find anyone in the house…he was tired so he slept…the foreigners had to be carried to the hospital…the neighbor went to the house and told her husband about his son…her husband told Dawlat that he is going to the hospital…her husband found his son in the section for food poisoning…the foreigners were also in the same room…the husband saw her…Dawlat ran to her son crying…the foreigners told the doctor that the husband made the food…the doctor told her that she has aids…she told Dawlat that she slept with her husband.

Doritos

Warning
This is not an advertisement
again…this is not an advertisement…
I will repeat again…this is not an advertisement…ok…
so…mmm…fff…well…I want to say that I hate Doritos…what is Doritos…Doritos is something in a bag like chips with spices and cheese taste…or with sweet chilli pepper...a new theory has proven that Doritos has filled some empty holes in everyone who ate it in Egypt…to feel the air filled Doritos- bag in your hand…to hear the sound of breath escaping from the bag when you open it…when you put your hand inside the bag and feel the depth of the room to pick one triangle…to lift one triangle up in the sky directing it towards the opening of you mouth…but before it enters.. your teeth attacks the triangle and destroy it in small tiny pieces…you can hear the crunchy scream of these helpless pieces in your ears…then these pieces float desperately in the saliva of your mouth…being tortured by the punches of your tongue…before they face their unknown destination…whatever…I don’t know why every time I go to a kiosk to buy something to eat…I buy Doritos…Doritos…hum hum hum…Doritos in orange…or Doritos in blue…mmm…and the point is…my colleagues eat also Doritos…my private teacher eats Doritos…and the taxi driver eats Doritos…and the big surprise…ta ta ta taan…my grandmother eats Doritos…before we ate Cheetos…now it is Doritos…it is like koshary but for the poor… middle…and high society classes…a mid-day snack that combines the bread taste of breakfast with the grilled chicken smell of the dinner…to be short…it is the thing you can eat when you are most of the day at work or waiting for something to happen…and you are not that hungry but want to put something delicious in your mouth…hey…why is everyone eating Doritos in my college…one friend told me he believes that they have put something addictive in its taste…when one bag is finished…he goes and buys another one…I told him - same here ya tutu...ok… another one was joking by telling me that when we see the triangular shape of Doritos…we remember our pyramids…niah niah niah …very funny…a man was so afraid that one day he could wake up and could not find any Doritos left on planet earth…he could have a heart attack and die…so he decided to buy 74 boxes filled with Doritos bags and open them all to see the yellow bags bulging from the boxes…ya ragel mesh a7san men sagaier golobatra...so what…the fact is…it is not expensive…in my case…when I am lazy to cook rice or spaghetti to eat it with fried chicken…I just buy 3 bags Doritos on my way home from college…Doritos and being fat…Doritos is not healthy...Doritos and getting cancer…I do not want to hear these things…I don’t care…I want to enjoy eating something without thinking of the consequences…so why do I hate Doritos…well...I don’t know…I just hate it…maybe someone can tell me

hUMAN rIGHTS dAY

Everyone in this country should have this booklet…everyone should know his rights…this is not just the start…this is one of his rights .

The Man & The Bridge

I have seen him years sitting at the same spot and painting strange complex pictures.
No doubt this man is famous and has a secret…a very rich man living in a very poor condition.
Hi - I said
He shook my hand warmly
Can I talk with you?- I said
He moved his hands aggressively telling me to go away
Why not?- I asked him
He wrote on a white paper in English –I don’t make interviews now, maybe in 3 hours.
I told him that I come from a far place just to chat with him
He gave me the white paper to write that question down
I was confused, did he understand me or did he not
Can he speak, can he hear…I don’t know

I wrote: I want to see your paintings
He wrote: I don’t show my paintings
I wrote: why not?
He wrote: where do you come from?
I lied and wrote: I am from France.
When he read that he smiled, looked provoked to me and brought a big book with mysterious signs and numbers…I saw the countries of the globe listed and each country has a specific number...he pointed at the word France which had the number 10…I don’t know what that means but I am sure it is not something good…
He wrote: I don’t speak with people from France because of political disagreements.
Then he brought another book he has written and copied the phrase-thank you for your visit , please go away –in French
I opened my wallet to show him my Egyptian identity … to prove to him that I have the Egyptian citizenship but he wrote: please come after 3 hours
I wrote: I can’t come again…

He brought a small mattress and put it on the street to make it more comfortable for me to sit
I said: thank you
I did not know if I had to speak in Arabic or in English
Then he opened a box full of chocolate, jelly cola and bonbons
He gave them all to me…I refused to take them … I told him thank you thank you…but he insisted to give it to me

Suddenly he ordered me to go away because he wanted to eat…I saw him cocking fried chicken balls…I don’t know how he made that…I showed the camera to ask if I can take a picture of him…he was angry…he was really really angry…at that point I was angry too and walked down the bridge…he followed me

posi+ive / negat-ve

MortalitycanbethegreatestMotivator.